Joan Vassos Opens Up About Feeling Guilty Falling for 'Golden Bachelorette' Suitor After Loss of Husband

John, The reality star’s husband of 32 years, who died of pancreatic cancer in January 2021 tells at a point to the PEOPLE that she “buckled down and ignored” the grief

On ABC, Wednesday, Sept. 18, at 8 p.m, premieres The first season of The Golden Bachelorette.
Joan Vassos, who went on Gerry Turner’s season of The Golden Bachelor following the death of her husband of 32 years,n John, but left early in the season to be with her postpartum daughter.
She started connecting with her Golden Bachelorette suitors, after her husband died in January 2021 and “was feeling really guilty” The mom of four tells PEOPLE she “didn’t embrace the whole mourning thing”.

After John, died in January 2021 from pancreatic cancer. Who was 32 years husband of Joan Vassos, The Golden Bachelorette served, in part, as grief therapy for lead.

Vassos 61 tells PEOPLE “My husband passed away during COVID and I really didn’t embrace the whole mourning thing,” she added “I was in charge of being strong. I just buckled down and ignored it.”

While talking to PEOPLE she said “I had to face it,” The mom of four looked into attending group therapy at the time, but she couldn’t find one due to the pandemic. However, when she started forming connections on The Golden Bachelorette,. She added “It was in my face that I was feeling really guilty, honestly, about having feelings for somebody else. I almost felt like I was cheating on John, which is crazy because he’s passed away.”

Vassos shared the words of John before he died. She said that john told her “I want you to find somebody. You are the greatest wife in the world. I don’t want you to be alone. I want you to find somebody.”

Vassos — who also appeared on Gerry Turner’s season of The Golden Bachelor and exited during Week 3 — admitted that she felt “uneasy” about moving on more than three years later. However, working with The Golden Bachelorette’s team of psychiatrists helped.

Vassos recalls and said “And it was such a good lesson.” “They said, ‘You don’t have to let go of John. Picture it like this: you have two balloons, one in each hand, and John is in a balloon in this hand, and your potential person that you’re going to fall in love with in this hand. You don’t have to let go of him from this hand to pick this one up and have a life with this one,’”

On Vassos’s grief journey, this marked a big step forward.

Vassos says, “I went from not being able to think about him or even having a picture in my house that I could see every day — I had pictures in the guest room and other parts of the house I don’t see every day — to the point where now I’m feeling so much better about it,”